City of Lies chapter 2

Cloyd woke up on a very uncomfortable cot and was in so much pain he could hardly even get up. He looked around to find he was in what looked like a sort of bedroom there were no windows and the only furniture was a cot and a shipping crate on the far side of the room there was a door on the other side of the room he knew it would probably be locked but he tried anyway and found the door was unlocked. On the other side there was a long hallway halfway down he started hearing someone speaking. "Your a bloody idiot you know that right." It sounded like a teenage girl. "Hey stop arguing we need to fight the enemy not eachother." This time it was an older man speaking. Cloyd tracked down the voices and found himself in a kitchen converted into a meeting room there were three people there an old man probably in his forties he was very fit and wore old rusted steel armor. The other two were both teenagers one a boy the other a girl. The boy was very short had black hair and blue eyes he looked like the sort of person youd pick last when choosing your team. The girl was slightly taller than Cloyd had blonde hair and hazel eyes. The older man turned around and saw him. "Your finally awake Rhett mistaked you for a Miaknog spy." "Hey its not my thought he was at the scene of the crime." The boy said Cloyd assumed he was Rhett. "Oh hello Im Emily that idiots Rhett and hes Kota I dont know who you are but pleased to meat you." Cloyd looked around "uhm where am I?" "This is our base I am general Harris Von Kota the leader of the rebellion."

Great so far! i saw a few grammar mistakes but im not gonna be rude and correct them for ya (unless you want me too)

[quote author=FebreezeNH link=topic=4252.msg22231#msg22231 date=1438993173]
Great so far! i saw a few grammar mistakes but im not gonna be rude and correct them for ya (unless you want me too)
[/quote]
Point them out

so in the second sentence there needs to be commas. Or break the sentence up into smaller ones. its just way too long

[quote author=FebreezeNH link=topic=4252.msg22251#msg22251 date=1439004177]
Also, here in this sentence [quote/] "This is our base I am general Harris Von Kota the leader of the rebellion."[qoute/]
This is our base I am, there needs to be a comma here: This is our base[color=blue],[color=black]I am

Its mainly just long sentences, but the story is amazing!

I like how you said "meat" instead of "meet." I also loved how you had meh say Retro was an idiot. :D Great job so far Spencer!

#iwilllovethisforlife