Okay this is for GameDudePc_TR, who hates open ending. And SovietPickle who decides to give a challenge to make my story into sequel. Dont worry Slimestein, I love you too, I am nearly finished chapter 3 for Wicked Wizard.
Millennium (Chapter 1)
Twenty-second century was approaching faster then ever, and hopefully our advanced technology can keep it up before comes to an end to our civilization. It is hard to imagine a life without the beauty. The beauty of technology which pretty much dominates in our lifestyle.
I am working one of the most advanced and evolutionary machines that will change how our world works, I am on the verge-breakdown at quantum physics which will come to a new age. Just need couple pieces of research and would be complete. I sense the presence of someone entering the door, "Ah Dr. Snayzer, it is nice to meet you. How is the progress with time machine?" Asked Rizch. It frustrates me when people ask me question, especially Mr. Rizch who has this habit to ask a million question for an answer. I heard numerous complaints from my fellow mates, who he takes the advantage of our intelligence for his own business. "Mr. Rizch, we can start the first stage, time machine is nearly a success! If my data is correct, we can keep out mass..." Dr. Snayzer got interrupted, "Quit blathering around Dr. Snayzer. Lets begin with the trials now!" Mr. Snayzer demanded. The unfortunate scientist couldnt do anything, he knew Generation Alpha, also known as the Gold Leaks due to huge amount of power and investment they hold around the Galaxy. There I went plugging several plugs together and modifying the variables, "Sir, the time machine is ready for its first trial." As I proceed to wear a sunglasses, as Mr. Snayzer interrupted again, "Youll have my honour to step in the machine, and wish the best of luck."
The machine started to make noise, and could finally hear the motors making huge noises like the planes, as the frame got brighter and brighter until it created a portal! Dr. Snayzer stared for couple minutes, as he anxiously stepped in the machine, "This is it! There is no coming back." As he shouted to Mr. Rizch, by finishing his lines, "I will find you. And kill you with my G-L Ray Gun." Huge beam of light bursted all the directions, as Dr. Snayzer vanished in the lights, as it caused the entire machine to break down too. Mr. Rizch looked angry, "I should never have trusted that doctor! His not good asides causing trouble towards my reputation." As he shouted top of his lungs, "Your paying for it!"
Breaking news, a concentrated beam light has exploded out nowhere, according to eye witness, a living form has came out from the light, it could be possibly an extra terrestrial form! This is not a hoax, I repeat. When the television was turned off, "Time travelers? I dont believe they are here again!" The mysterious man sitting in the coach muttered.
"I actually did it! I have time travelled, nearly a century where humans are not so dependent towards technology." Dr. Snayzer happily walked in the night. Thats right, I need to tell my great grandfather about the danger his risking towards the future!" As I took out a device that could track my ancestor down. And happily went to investigate the past.
I grabbed the newspaper a quickly looked the date, "February 9, 2000". I looked at the vendors face and asked, "Dont you ever wish to time travel?" The vendor with emotionless face replied, "Time travel? Is that a new train station?" I just walked away from him quickly, before I bursted laughing. The vendor looked at him suspiciously, "Target locked. Sir."
Akiraff
CubeBuilders Administrator
Millennium - Part 1
I really like how this story is going Akiraff, a really good cliffhanger at the end as well!
* Takes notes about cliffhangers * haha.
Its improved by quite a bit since I last read it earlier on! And thank you for accepting my challenge! :)
As I said earlier it is hard to imagine life with no technology, I wouldnt even be typing this reply without it.
And the cliffhanger at the end and the one about the mysterious character. So much suspense for only the first chapter! :D
( After this challenge is complete, your next challenge shall be to make it into a book and then publish it. Okay? )
Liar liar pants on fire it is an open ending !! You still dont know what happens to the Dr. ;(
Also (just giving my honest opinion) I like the story itself even tho Im more a fantasy guy instead of a sci-fi guy. The overall story and plot is really good but in my opinion you jumped a bit to quickly from one scene onto the other. For example, between scene 3 and 4 you could have made another scene describing what happens to the Dr. while he is time travelling. Also at the start of scene 4 (wich would then turn into scene 5) you could say *Somwhere in an isolated house* [scene]. If you dont understand me Ill try to explain it a bit more so just lemme know :) ^^
[quote author=GameDudePc_TR link=topic=2547.msg11302#msg11302 date=1428361082]
Liar liar pants on fire it is an open ending !! You still dont know what happens to the Dr. ;(
Also (just giving my honest opinion) I like the story itself even tho Im more a fantasy guy instead of a sci-fi guy. The overall story and plot is really good but in my opinion you jumped a bit to quickly from one scene onto the other. For example, between scene 3 and 4 you could have made another scene describing what happens to the Dr. while he is time travelling. Also at the start of scene 4 (wich would then turn into scene 5) you could say *Somwhere in an isolated house* [scene]. If you dont understand me Ill try to explain it a bit more so just lemme know :) ^^
[/quote]
Ill keep it for the next part, to describe the important scenarios without skipping them.
Akiraff
CubeBuilders Administrator
Thanks, but besides that very nicely done !! I am proud to say I am proud to be proud of you, so be proud aswell !! ^^ :p
Awesome job! I just love the cliffhanger at the end! ;D
[quote author=Akiraff link=topic=2547.msg11299#msg11299 date=1428359283] Dont worry Slimestein, I love you too, I am nearly finished chapter 3 for Wicked Wizard.
[/quote]
Great, if you make it good taking time thats betyer than releasing stuff early like EA and Ubisoft do